Bear Bob

Think-A-Holic Lounge is an intergalactic watering hole for writing and publishing misfits from throughout the space-time continuum and, even though it takes up no space in the physical universe, it's still a natural place for fights on the weekends just like any other dive bar on planet Earth.

And that's because a lot of people who frequent the Lounge on the weekends are disembodied spirits and astral selves and dreamworld figments from Earth and nobody picks fights like Earthlings with issues. And Earthlings always have issues. It's almost as if they were born for the purpose of working out every type of personal and social issue that can possibly confront a biped creature.

Summertime bar brawling requires special tavern security (see pic). Just after the big Fourth of July blowout brawl that lasted elebenty-leben minutes and destroyed almost half of the Lounge's tables and chairs, Angus McCloud, the Lounge's bigass head bartender, hired a special bouncer who was formerly from from Pennsylvania's Allegheny Plateau Region on Earth.

Angus calls him Bear Bob. This formidable-looking creature is a hybrid biped who was created in a lab by the Grays in the early 1960s. Bear Bob is half Pennsylvania redneck and half Pennsylvania Black Bear, which gives him the appearance of a Minnesota Brown Bear in an Ozark Mountain costume. Go figure.

There have been absolutely no fights whatsover at Think-A-Holic Lounge since Bear Bob was installed at the front door. And that's because no one has been brave enough to approach this hostile-looking bruin bouncer, let alone pass his scrutiny.

It won't last, though. When Angus McCloud's tip money starts to dry up and he can no longer afford his chauffeur-driven limo, Bear Bob will be history and things will be back to normal around here. I can't wait. I haven't had a taste of think-a-hol, myself, since Independence Day.

Drive-Off

There have been a lot of fights at Think-A-Holic Lounge ever since the quasar TV at the Lounge began broadcasting American Presidential Campaign news from Earth.

Politics, sex and religion are forbidden topics of discussion in public establishments throughout many galaxies because the end result is often trouble in one form or another. And any discussion of politics invariably leads to fighting when adult beverages are involved. Despite that, Think-A-Holic Lounge offers a safe haven for creatures who thrive on heated debates based on these three subjects. The owners and staff at the Lounge know a money-maker when they see it. And nothing draws a crowd like a presidential campaign. And nothing causes more fights, either.

Since Think-A-Holic Lounge specifically forbids fighting within its doors, clever patrons have been taking to the parking lot to settle their arguments. But a rowdy crowd in front of a tavern never looks good and it never encourages potential customers to enter.

And that's why Angus McCloud, the Lounge's big-ass head bartender, hired this "Bouncer Bot" (see pic) to patrol the parking lot at Think-A-Holic Lounge. We call him Drive-Off because he can break up a fight and drive off the troublemakers without even shifting into second gear.

I, myself, was chased more than two blocks by Drive-Off one night after I started a fight with a Republican hardliner who called Hillary Clinton (my choice for President) a FemBot.