Angus Strikes Out

The owners of Think-A-Holic Lounge let Angus McCloud, the Lounge’s big-ass head bartender, pretty much run the place. Being the ghost of a dead Scottish poet and over four-hundred years old certainly has its advantages. But one week, about two solar years ago, ol’ Angus really screwed up.

That was the week Angus McCloud hired a female exotic dancer (see pic) from the Orion Belt to dance on Friday and Saturday nights, starting at ten o’clock, Pluto time. She went by the name “Pear” and she was immediately a hit with all the purple creatures on this side of the Milky Way Galaxy. Unfortunately, that’s only about one-percent of all bipeds inhabiting this area of the cosmos. Strike One. So, while Pear was extremely friendly, a terrific dancer and cute — in her own “dragonette” sort of way — Angus was persuaded by the management to let her go.

Later that solar summer we Lounge regulars found out that the real reason Pear was fired had nothing to do with her not being an appealing performer for most of the humanoids at Think-A-Holic Lounge. That actually had nothing to do with it. Everybody liked Pear and at least a dozen of us regular lounge lizards had tried to get a date with her.

No, the real reason Angus had to let her go was because he violated a local star-system zoning ordinance by not auditioning at least three exotic dancers representing other species before hiring Pear. Strike Two. In addition to that, Think-A-Holic Lounge, which has no physical position in the cosmos and therefore occupies no actual space in the space-time continuum, was not zoned for adult entertainment. Strike Three. To make a long story short, Think-A-Holic Lounge was fined five hundred solar dollars by the “Cosmic Vice Squad” (whose palms Angus failed to grease before opening night). Strike Four. And that was the end of that.

Poor ol’ Angus never got over the embarrassment of that fateful week two years ago but that’s the price you pay when those who employ you have no better judgment and trust you implicitly.

The rest of us should be so lucky.