The Barstool Journal of Jonco Bugos

Sunday, September 02, 2007

Monterey HiJack

I celebrated the first day of September this year by tossing down a few at Think-A-Holic Lounge before moseying on down to the Lebenty Leben for a brick of Monterey Jack cheese. I love eating Monterey Jack with just about anything, especially if there's a dill pickle involved.

My brain was full of think-a-hol and happy thoughts when I suddenly remembered that my supply of Monterey Jack cheese always seems to disappear before I ever get to finish that last little hunk snugly wrapped up in the plastic wrapper. I also realized that this crap had been going on all summer long and that I'd better find out why before other things started disappearing from my fridge as well.

Well, I didn't have to think about it for very long. When I got home from the Lebenty Leben I caught this little yellow goober (see pic) pilfering my last hunk of Monterey Jack cheese while humming the theme song from Star Wars.

He said his name was YipYup and that he was from the planet Urbane, in a neighboring solar system. When I asked him why he'd been stealing my Monterey Jack cheese he glibly replied that he, and all other Urbanians, simply had a right to do so.

That made me think about another bunch of little celestial visitors who often say the same thing about snatching anything they want off planet Earth and that got my dander up. And that's when I tossed this YipYup's alien butt out of the house. He landed hard enough that he'll think twice before grazing around here again.

Thus, I not only defended my home against future grazing aliens, I helped make the world's Monterey Jack cheese supply safe from alien raiders for many generations yet to come.