The Barstool Journal of Jonco Bugos

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Spy Bot

Right. It's a Thursday afternoon, Earth Time, and that can be just about anytime at Think-A-Holic Lounge. But, it just so happens that it's also Thursday afternoon here, too. And, since I have the place practically to myself, I decided to make a little entry into my bar stool journal about bots.

Don't think for one minute that I like bots just because I write about them all the time. I don't like bots at all. I like people and creatures that are alive and I think that buying or renting a bot to do the job of a living creature who could really use the money, is shortsighted, if nothing else. But, I don't make the rules around here. I just follow them. Then I get to point an accusing finger at the bots that have been hired at Think-A-Holic Lounge. Like Beam Bot, Bot Boy, Brain Bot and Drive-Off.

And now, as if there aren't enough bots around here, snooping and guarding and pushing and shoving and even taking our money, the management just rented the latest thing in spy bots (see pic). As far as I know, this one doesn't even have a name, just a model number somewhere on it's spherical surface. All day long it just floats around spying on us when we drink and eat and even when we play darts.

Rumor has it that this annoying bot is supposed to be looking for pickpockets. Well, the only pickpocket Think-A-Holic Lounge ever had was Fred Fortune and we ran him outta here a long time ago. So, as far as I'm concerned, this spy bot is nothing more than another toy bot for Angus McCloud, our big-ass head bartender.

Rumor also has it that Angus is a regular customer at Bots R U.

Tuesday, January 04, 2011

Gray Matter

Think-A-Holic Lounge is a lot like your typical American roadhouse in some respects. There are lots of fights here, especially on the weekends. There are always more men than women here (or more males than females, I should say, because not all of our patrons are human beings or even bipeds, for that matter). And no one here will wait on you the second time unless you give them a big tip the first time. Things like that make it easier for the disembodied spirits of Earthlings, and especially American Earthlings, to feel comfortable about dipping their bills here. Nothing turns a first-time customer into a good patron like knowing what to expect from a watering hole and then getting used to it.

On the other hand, Think-A-Holic Lounge occupies no space in the physical universe and its actual position in the space-time continuum cannot be pinpointed. That's a real plus for most of us Lounge regulars because most of us are hiding out here from someone or something and we like to keep our hideout a great big secret from most of the universe. Especially from the Grays (see pic). Except for Nazis and rednecks from Earth and Fred Fortune from the Martian Underground, Grays are the only other beings currently banned from Think-A-Holic Lounge.

Rednecks are banned because of their intolerance for anyone who isn't just like them. Fred Fortune is banned because he's a shoplifter, grazer, grafter and pickpocket. And also because we just can't stand looking at that damned hat and those stupid glasses anymore. Grays are banned from Think-A-Holic Lounge because they kidnap and torture people (especially human children from Earth) for medical and biological experimentation (and for their own amusement) and that pretty much makes them Nazis, in our opinion, whom we banned the day they invaded Poland in 1939, Earth Time.

Because we banned Nazis, rednecks, Fred Fortune and Grays early on in the game, we saved ourselves a lot of grief by not giving these creatures the chance to behave themselves when we knew damn well they'd take that inch of freedom and turn it into a yard of uncontrolled personal liberty.

Smile and make nice, that's our policy here at Think-A-Holic Lounge. But "be prepared for the worst", that's our motto.