The Barstool Journal of Jonco Bugos

Friday, June 25, 2010

The Bot Is Back

Pictured here is that press-loving prick of a Worm Bot that's infected most of the computers on this side of the space-time continuum. I've only seen this bubble-blowing imp once before (see The Worm Has Turned posting) and seeing him again last night filled me with a kind of ambivalence I'm just not comfortable with. I mean, I can love and hate anything at the same time right along with the best if them but, when it comes to loving something one minute and then hating it a minute later, that makes for a very long day.

This particular worm bot is allowed to frequent Think-A-Holic Lounge because he's supposed to have turned over a new leaf. Or so Angus McCloud, our bigass head bartender, was led to believe. I even bought this gum snapper a shot and a beer before I realized that he was not the Real McCoy but an actor hired by the Management (Angus McCloud) to play the Worm Bot we had all gotten used to. Replacing the real Worm Bot that had apparently spurned us for brighter horizons, piggybacking his way on broadband feeds from Earth. What a stupid, dirty trick. Going Hollywood or going Madison Avenue in this part of the Milky Way Galaxy will only backfire on you and Angus should have known that.

And I should have known this joker was a phony the moment I walked into the Lounge last night. But I've always been a day late and a dollar short. So, I had no clue until I popped one of his biggest bubbles with my pocket knife and wound up someplace I'd never been before and someplace I hope I never have to visit again. Just the very thought of entering such a wormhole gives me the willies. And when I get the willies I lose my ability to do anything except mezz out in front of the tube with a six-pack and a TV tray filled with munchies.

It's enough to make you wish for a real worm bot. Having your browser hijacked is nothing compared to the upside down and inside out world that awaits you if you so much as look in his direction. And, whatever you do, don't burst his bubble.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

The Shapeshifting Blog from Outer Space

Our bigass head bartender, Angus McCloud, is always trying new gimmicks to attract new patrons to Think-A-Holic Lounge. I'm instantly reminded of the Brain Bot incident that had everybody laughing at me. Then there was the Zippy Portraits fiasco, the little arty-fartsy dweeb that Angus pretended not to hire and then fired when that scam backfired on him.



And now, the ugly old ghost of a 400-year-old poet from Scotland came up with another "draw" gimmick that's almost guaranteed to backfire on him. This time it's a laptop computer that's fastened securely to the bar and keeps displaying the same screen images over and over again (see animated pic). So far, nobody can figure out what the deal is. And ol' Angus is not giving out any clues.

As far as I'm concerned, this latest gimmick to attract new patrons has all the earmarks of an indie-author royalties kickback. In fact, under-the-table palm greasing is written all over this so-called "Shapeshifting Blog from Outer Space".

Sunday, June 06, 2010

Illegal Tender

Now that Michael Casher's sinister astral self comes and goes as he damn well pleases at Think-A-Holic Lounge, counterfeit money is popping up all over the place this side of the space-time continuum (see pic below).


The Author from Another World — as we Lounge regulars like to call him — opened up a Pandora's Box of trouble during his first visit to this intergalactic watering hole and we're all regretting the day he waltzed his independent author's butt in here and bellied up to the bar.

Just because Think-A-Holic Lounge is a hideout for outcasts in the publishing underworld doesn't mean some smart-guy indie author can just up and print his own money and then spend it here. Who told this joker he could do that? We're not sure just how rich or poor The Author from Another World is but if he has to pay for his think-a-hol with homemade Casher dollars he might as well go ahead and print off some more for the rest of us.

At least the indie snob could have had the decency to buy rounds for the whole house instead of just for me, Jonco Bugos, and Angus McCloud, our starry-eyed bigass bartender. Then we could probably learn to accept his funny money without making a great big fuss about it.