The Barstool Journal of Jonco Bugos

Saturday, December 16, 2006

Purple People Picker

It was one of those nights that we all have from time to time, full of paranoia and unfounded fears about anything and everything and nothing. Except this night was a turning point for me.

It was a Thursday and I had closed up Think-A-Holic Lounge again, being the last one to roll out the door and down the steps for the umpteenth time. I was in the process of publishing my sixth sci-fi thriller while working on my seventh novel, which is literary fiction for a change. Being full of think-a-hol and happy thoughts, I was walking the fine line between being a mere reflection of Michael Casher and becoming the Real McCoy.

When I reached the sidewalk I thought I heard footsteps behind me, soft flapping sounds like flippers hitting the concrete. I turned around and this is what I saw. I spoke to the purple thing as though I’d been expecting it.

“Go ahead and grab me,” I said. “Take me aboard your evil starship and turn me inside out and upside down and flip and flop me all you want. I don’t care anymore.”

“Hmmmpphh!” said the purple people picker. It lowered its arms. “Well, you’re certainly no fun.”

And then the hideous creature did a one-eighty and clomped down the sidewalk in the opposite direction. As for me, I headed home to build another chapter in book six (book building is formatting a finished manuscript for publishing) and maybe write a few lines in book seven. As far as I was concerned, the purple creature incident never even happened.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Bouncing Bobby

Think-A-Holic Lounge hired a new bouncer the other day to back up Bot Boy (see the Bot and Paid For posting). There have been way too many fights at the Lounge ever since that traditionally-published author started hanging out here. I'll admit that most of these fights were started by me.

The new bouncer's name is Bobby and he claims to be from the planet Samoa-sun. I like him and have bought him flaming shots of think-a-hol on several occasions after his shift was over. We regulars affectionately call him Bouncing Bobby.

Bouncing Bobby can throw a full-size drunk out the door and toss him or her further than any dwarf tosser in France. And, here at Think-A-Holic Lounge, drunk tossing is perfectly legal.