Alien Road Kill (Well, Almost)

The other day I was celebrating Spring by driving out into the countryside, past some of the roadhouse dives that I used to frequent (the ones that are still standing) when I noticed that I was being followed by a strange object that looked a lot like a flying saucer. So, I pulled over and got out and the thing behind me also pulled over and, to my surprise, it was a spaceship of sorts.

A funny-looking creature crawled out and I thought he was going to pull out a ray gun and let me have it. Instead, he said the strangest thing, something you’d never expect to hear from a Little Green Man from Mars or any extraterrestrial.

He said, "Hey, pal, is there any place around here where I could get a thick ham steak and some okry on the side and maybe a big slab of pecan pie?"

I said, "Well, hell, this isn’t Georgia. You’re about five states shy of that kind of stuff."

He looked ticked-off for a second and I thought for sure that he was going to zap me with some awful kind of beam that would make me glow all over and then disappear. But all he said was, "All right, then. Do you know where I could get a shot-and-a-beer and some really scorching Buffalo Wings?"

I wanted to laugh my ass off but I kept thinking about ray guns and hideous alien torture devices and junk like that so I simply answered him. "Sure thing, buddy," I said. "Just follow me."