Bear Bob

Think-A-Holic Lounge is an intergalactic watering hole for writing and publishing misfits from throughout the space-time continuum and, even though it takes up no space in the physical universe, it's still a natural place for fights on the weekends just like any other dive bar on planet Earth.

And that's because a lot of people who frequent the Lounge on the weekends are disembodied spirits and astral selves and dreamworld figments from Earth and nobody picks fights like Earthlings with issues. And Earthlings always have issues. It's almost as if they were born for the purpose of working out every type of personal and social issue that can possibly confront a biped creature.

Summertime bar brawling requires special tavern security (see pic). Just after the big Fourth of July blowout brawl that lasted elebenty-leben minutes and destroyed almost half of the Lounge's tables and chairs, Angus McCloud, the Lounge's bigass head bartender, hired a special bouncer who was formerly from from Pennsylvania's Allegheny Plateau Region on Earth.

Angus calls him Bear Bob. This formidable-looking creature is a hybrid biped who was created in a lab by the Grays in the early 1960s. Bear Bob is half Pennsylvania redneck and half Pennsylvania Black Bear, which gives him the appearance of a Minnesota Brown Bear in an Ozark Mountain costume. Go figure.

There have been absolutely no fights whatsover at Think-A-Holic Lounge since Bear Bob was installed at the front door. And that's because no one has been brave enough to approach this hostile-looking bruin bouncer, let alone pass his scrutiny.

It won't last, though. When Angus McCloud's tip money starts to dry up and he can no longer afford his chauffeur-driven limo, Bear Bob will be history and things will be back to normal around here. I can't wait. I haven't had a taste of think-a-hol, myself, since Independence Day.

Bobbi for Bobby

It never fails. A new Earth year begins and the whole galaxy goes gaga. You'd think every biped in the universe had their eyes focused on Times Square the other night, just chomping at the bit for Earth year 2009 A.D. to arrive. Why? Well, hell, so they could toss out the old junk in their lives and bring in the new junk.

It's a known fact in this part of the space-time continuum that Earthlings have influenced a large number of constellations with their insatiable desire to dump the old and herald the new each December 31st. Just like clockwork. Earthlings don't even care if what they're tossing out is any good or not or if what they're welcoming in is worth anything at all. They just want new stuff all the time. Earthlings have even infected the management of Think-A-Holic Lounge with this curious Earth disease that makes humanoids want to shed the past like a molting snake. And this (see pic) is the result.

At precisely the stroke of midnight on New Year's Eve 2008, New York City Time, Angus McCloud (the Lounge's big-ass ghost bartender) downsized Bouncing Bobby, Think-A-Holic Lounge's male bouncer from the planet Samoa Sun (see previous Bouncing Bobby posting). Angus replaced him with a female bouncer from the same planet. He calls her Bouncing Bobbi, as if nothing had changed. Well, almost nothing.

Bouncing Bobbi can toss a drunk just as far as Bouncing Bobby could (she auditioned for us on Black Friday instead of going shopping) and the drunks don't seem to mind being tossed out on their ears nearly as much now. For Angus, it was pure PR and nothing less. As for Bouncing Bobby, the original humanoid Think-A-Holic Lounge bouncer, rumor has it that he's already the dwarf-tossing champ in France and he simply didn't have the time to be in two places at once.

Bouncing Bobby

Think-A-Holic Lounge hired a new bouncer the other day to back up Bot Boy (see the Bot and Paid For posting). There have been way too many fights at the Lounge ever since that traditionally-published author started hanging out here. I'll admit that most of these fights were started by me.

The new bouncer's name is Bobby and he claims to be from the planet Samoa-sun. I like him and have bought him flaming shots of think-a-hol on several occasions after his shift was over. We regulars affectionately call him Bouncing Bobby.

Bouncing Bobby can throw a full-size drunk out the door and toss him or her further than any dwarf tosser in France. And, here at Think-A-Holic Lounge, drunk tossing is perfectly legal.

Employees-of-the-Month

Think-A-Holic Lounge doesn't discriminate between thinkers and non-thinkers at the door or when hiring staff. Everyone is welcome at this watering hole.

Our doormen (pictured) are often referred to as doorpersons because no one really knows their genders or species or whether they're thinkers or not. They may even be think-a-holics, who knows? Anyway, our "bouncers", as they're often called, are virtually inseparable and have worked together in many countries and on several planets and we're proud to have them as employees at the Lounge.

Unfortunately, the thing about these two jokers is that no one knows when they'll beam up and leave us working the door by ourselves. Angus, our ghost bartender, can hardly tie his own shoelaces, let alone distinguish between thinkers and think-a-holics, or even tell if our patrons have half a brain when they ask for service.

And, as for me, I'm usually too busy scribbling notes for my next book on a cocktail napkin or reaching for a bar towel.