Zippy Portraits

This summer a street artist from the planet Zapsum One (see pic) had set up shop on the sidewalk in front of Think-A-Holic Lounge. He would paint your portrait in under five minutes for only five solar dollars. A sign on his easel said: Zippy Portraits.

Unfortunately, everybody's portrait came out looking like E.T. The Extraterrestrial. Then it was discovered that this alien con artist had purchased a thousand old publicity photos of E.T. on eBay and was simply painting over them with a thin tempera that quickly wore off.

Angus McCloud, the Lounge's big-ass head bartender, personally gave this grifter the boot one Thursday afternoon after the thirtieth or fortieth complaint from Lounge patrons. However, it was rumored that Angus only tossed the little prick into the street after his own portrait began running and dripping in the rain.

That rumor was started by me, the first victim of Zippy Portraits, way back in June.