Seeing is Believing

As most of you know, Wednesday afternoon is my favorite time at Think-A-Holic Lounge. The place is virtually empty then and the sun's usually shining outside and most of the world's at work. That's mainly why I mosey on down to the Lounge every Wednesday. Because, when most people are out running things or being run by things, I'm hiding out. And enjoying my favorite beverages while watching the ol' Boob Tube. A combination you just can't beat.

Today I asked Angus McCloud — our big-ass head bartender and the 400-year-old ghost of a dead Scottish poet — to turn on the new TV set. The one that shows "hacker videos" instead of the regular lineup of sports and game shows and beer commercials and those hot Mexican soaps that are so addictive.

We were in luck. A commercial for Angus McCloud's own invention — Death-A-Hol — had just begun airing. I asked ol' Angus who did the commercial and how he got it on TV in the first place.

"It don't matter," the ugly old spook chuckled, enjoying his recreational use of bad English, "if it's on TV, it's real, don't you know?" I knew he was hiding something but I didn't feel up to the pursuit.

"Oh, I believe it, all right," I replied with a loud sigh and then I tossed back a whole double shot of the less-popular think-a-hol, the elixir that makes you think and a product that's never been advertised on TV and probably never will be. I knew packaging rules the beverage industry, just like every other industry.

"Death-A-Hol is already a marketing success," Angus cooed, interrupting my thoughts and making me want to bounce the empty shot glass off the back of his homely head. But, I didn't. Instead, I ordered a single shot of Death-A-Hol, which is nothing but think-a-hol under a different label.

As I sipped the greenish liquid, I had to remind myself that it was only the original, amber-colored think-a-hol with blue food coloring added. But, at a premium price, mind you. Besides, I was drinking what I was seeing on TV. So, who cares? Suddenly, and in spite of my own better judgment, I felt less like Michael Casher's alter ego and more like the Real McCoy.

"Barkeep!" I shouted at the back of Angus McCloud's big-ass head. "More Death-A-Hol! And don't stop bringing it."

this story to be continued...

The Worm Has Turned

Think-A-Holic Lounge, as you well know, occupies no space in the physical universe because it has no position in the space-time continuum. None of us regulars at the Lounge has a clue as to what the hell that actually means but it doesn't matter to us because most of us are think-a-holics anyway and think-a-holics never worry about anything.

The Earthling tendency to worry and fret and obsess over anything and everything is a great karmic magnet that causes things and events to transpire on that planet that will actually be worth worrying about. Like all the computer viruses and worms that have recently been unleashed upon that planet because of the self-fulfilling prophecy of worry that Earthlings drag around all day long, day in and day out. Just like a big monkey on their backs that feeds on the banana of their fear, if you will. One of those monkeys is pictured here. He has no name because he's been given every name in the book by Earthlings who fear anything and everything, especially if someone else fears it first. Monkey see, monkey do, it seems, is Earth's biggest cottage industry.

The odd thing about this particular monkey is that he was once a common, everyday computer virus who morphed into an infamous computer worm after he started getting a lot of press. But this particular robotic worm was not created by a basement-dwelling, twenty-something, hermit nerd in America who has debilitating authority issues or by an anti-American Third World terrorist who makes his or her living scamming the elderly in the USA fly-over via email. No, this worm was invented by every fearful Earthling whose own guilt about one thing or another opened the door for a karmic penance they felt they had coming to them.

But when Earthling fear breathed life into this particular worm bot, it soon developed a mind of its own. Now it appears just about anywhere in cyberspace as this harmless-looking imp and it's even infected this portion of non-space with it's clever, ambivalent presence. Every time you click on the creepy little worm he takes you somewhere you've never been before. Quite often, it's somewhere you'd rather not be or else someplace you'd never think of visiting in a million years. Either one, or sometimes both.

Here, at Think-A-Holic Lounge, we've kind of taken a liking to him. We're not sure why. There have been scarier worms floating around the cosmos. We think this particular worm has turned over a new leaf. And I guess that must be the reason we think-a-holics just let him come and go as he pleases.